...And now I'm writing [typing] something having absolutely nothing connected to art or anything like that...
This afternoon I went with friends on a cup of coffee and suddenly I get this really strange feeling in my stomach and my hands started shaking... I simply knew something bad is gonna happen, that feeling was telling me that, it was way too strong to mean something good etc...
And I did happen... I broke up with my boyfriend... I was the one to break up although I love him more than anything on this world and I don't think I'll be able to live without him but I don't know... Something was telling me that that's the right thing to do...
I mean... He lied to me once and cheated on me and I forgave him... But I completely lost confidence in him and I can't stop imagining him and that other girl together and one relationship can't function like that... i have no trust in him...
And he tells me every day how much he really loves me but I just don't trust him.
And now... He told me that last night he refused to cheat on me with some gorgeous girl and he said that he regrets it!!! And that I'm not even close as good as she is!!! And of course, I broke up immediately!!! And then he tells me like... My reason is dumb, that I only want to get rid of him by breaking up because he "did not cheat on me"! I know I am right!
For god's sake... We're together for like... 2 and a half months and in that period... He sent me only 1 sms!!! I was the one who sent him every morning an sms for "good morning", every afternoon, every night, for 2 months!!! And he never did that!!! And he treated me like crap, honestly. He doesn't know how to treat a woman right. He doesn't deserve me.
Damn, I'm feeling crushed, broken, pissed off, angry... I don't even know what's the exact feeling...
Everything is... weird... and confusing. I wish I was dead for some time.